What is love?

Love is a very complicated word. Sometimes I wonder if it even exists. To a certain extent, to me, it does, but what is portrayed in movies doesn't seem to exist. True love, what is it anyway? As a society, everyone is looking for "the one" or "Mr./Mrs. Right." Is there really someone out there for everyone? Is there such thing as soul mates?

I grew up believing in true love. What I thought was true love though, was what I saw in movies. In the real world we can't find someone that is "perfect." Perfection isn't possible. It seems that we always want more. Everyone in the world has flaws. No one can be perfect in every way. At first they may seem that way, but after time spent together it's easy to see that the flaws will slip out. It's not a bad thing, but that person wouldn't be perfect, now would they? It turns out chivalry is dead. I do believe, however, that a few people really do find true love. When they do it is a beautiful thing.

Is it possible to think you are in love, but not actually be in love? In reality, it was more of a long term infatuation. That is what I believe. I thought I found the real thing, but now I'm not so sure. I can't be in love and be constantly thinking of being with other guys, can I? Not necessarily thinking of guys in a sexual manner, but as in "Oh I could really see myself with this guy." Well I shouldn't be able to "see" myself with someone else if I'm truly in love. Again, love is extremely complicated.

Love isn't easy. It's a journey. I think my problem is that I don't want to be alone, I want to be loved, so I'm staying in my relationship for security. That's not always a good thing. Iwish I could listen to my own advice. Constantly, I tell my friends to not be with someone if they really don't want to be with that person. "Don't do it for security" I always say. But look at me? Isn't that what I'm doing? I go back and forth. One minute I can't live without this guy and the next I'm imagining myself with someone else. That can't be love. But I'm afraid to go out and look for someone else. Where would I begin? Don't get me wrong, I love the man I'm with, I'm just not so sure I'm in love with him anymore. For example, we never hang out. On our days off together, we are off with our own friends. The only time we set a special occasion is for a reason (anniversary, Valentine's Day, etc.). But I don't mind. We hardly have sex anymore, again I don't mind. Shouldn't I? It's more like we're room mates. Sometimes he doesn't come to bed until I'm waking up, or he won't come to bed at all. How can that be love?

I thought I knew what love was, but now I'm not so sure. Does love exist? Is it possible that you can feel the same way for a person your entire life? So many questions, so little answers. Hopefully I'm wrong, hopefully there is someone for everyone, but until I find that someone, I'm sticking to my beliefs in love.